"There is only one class in the community that thinks more about money than the rich, and that is the poor. The poor can think of nothing else."
"Popularity is the only insult that has not yet been offered to Mr. Whistler."
"An ordinary man away from home giving advice."
"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."
"A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks."
"All religious organizations exist to sell themselves to the rich."
"I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex."
"One can only give an unbiased opinion about things that do not interest one, which is no doubt the reason an unbiased opinion is always valueless. The man who sees both sides of a question is a man who sees absolutely nothing."
"I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."
"Ah! Don't say you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong."